The holiday season can hold unpleasant surprises when adult
children spend time with a parent and realize that it has become difficult or
unsafe for the elder to live alone. Many senior communities report increased
tours and enquiries based on alarming circumstances in the home such as
evidence of poor nutrition or hygiene, financial mismanagement or exploitation,
deteriorated living conditions, and a diminished capacity to plan, remember, or
respond to challenges. It is a common but unpleasant realization that even
though the parent has seemed normal during phone conversations, the stark truth
is that he or she has been struggling. The spoiled food, mixed up medications
or unfilled prescriptions, the soiled clothing and disarray, and the disrepair
of home or vehicle tells the story of a shrinking world and shrinking capacity
to make sound decisions. The parent has lost the ability to look out for
themselves, but may still vehemently protest they don’t need help or
interference. This is because they have lost the ability to make abstract judgments,
or to recognize problems and formulate solutions. Adult children have to
quickly overcome their own denial, mobilize a safety plan, and execute the
steps to follow up with necessary changes. One piece of advice would be to seek
information and support from friends, clergy or physician. A health assessment
is crucial and the parent’s doctor can be an invaluable ally in starting
the change process. It can be challenging but it is one of the most loving
gifts a child can give a parent.
children spend time with a parent and realize that it has become difficult or
unsafe for the elder to live alone. Many senior communities report increased
tours and enquiries based on alarming circumstances in the home such as
evidence of poor nutrition or hygiene, financial mismanagement or exploitation,
deteriorated living conditions, and a diminished capacity to plan, remember, or
respond to challenges. It is a common but unpleasant realization that even
though the parent has seemed normal during phone conversations, the stark truth
is that he or she has been struggling. The spoiled food, mixed up medications
or unfilled prescriptions, the soiled clothing and disarray, and the disrepair
of home or vehicle tells the story of a shrinking world and shrinking capacity
to make sound decisions. The parent has lost the ability to look out for
themselves, but may still vehemently protest they don’t need help or
interference. This is because they have lost the ability to make abstract judgments,
or to recognize problems and formulate solutions. Adult children have to
quickly overcome their own denial, mobilize a safety plan, and execute the
steps to follow up with necessary changes. One piece of advice would be to seek
information and support from friends, clergy or physician. A health assessment
is crucial and the parent’s doctor can be an invaluable ally in starting
the change process. It can be challenging but it is one of the most loving
gifts a child can give a parent.